Just Another Day In Paradise
by Pyrasaur
Summary: Could any day with the Smashers be less than chock-full of chaos and insanity? What a silly question! If you're looking for a plot, you won't find it here!


Just Another Day In Paradise  
  
It was a normal day at Super Smash Brothers Headquarters. Battles were raging, snot was getting beaten out of people, and fanfiction authors were gleefully pairing off their favourite characters in disturbing yaoi and yuri combinations. However, not everyone was busy mauling or courting, some of the Smashers were goofing off in the commons room. That's when IT happened; the inevitable question was asked.  
"Hey Ganondorf," Zelda asked, idly stirring her cup of chamomile tea, "Why do you wear your underwear on the outside of your pants?"  
Ganondorf turned from his game of chess with Ness to address the princess. "Because I'm the anti-hero. See? I've got the weird-looking cape and everything. I'm a cruel mockery of everything you good guys stand for!" He cackled his evil villain cackle to prove the point. And Ness took this oppertunity to remove a few of Ganondorf's chess pieces from the board and taunt.   
Mewtwo appeared out of nowhere in a poof of psychic sparkles to point out, "But Link doesn't wear a cape. Shouldn't you wear a dress instead?" Zelda was taking a sip of her tea and nearly spewed it out her nose upon hearing this comment. However, Link happened to be passing by and he didn't think it was so funny.   
"It is NOT a dress!" he whined, "It's a tunic! Just because it's shorter than most miniskirts doesn't make it any less masculine! Right Zelda?" Zelda was too busy laughing and half-choking to respond, so the elf bishounen settled for pounding her on the back.   
"You know what I just realised?" Ness piped, "How many naked people there are around here! I mean, look at Mewtwo! He's just sitting here NAKED!"  
The psychic cat wrinkled his nose in distain and folded his skinny arms across his chest. "I chafe easily." he huffed, "And at least I don't wear kinky accessories like CERTAIN naked people. Speaking of Bowser, I've been looking for someone nice and slow to sneak up on and Disable, where is he?"  
  
Meanwhile, elsewhere...  
Bowser was taking a walk around the lovely, scenic Smash Headquarters grounds. It was a beautiful day, the sort of beautiful day that even "bad guys" can appreciate without being called a sissy. The sun was shining, the birds were singing, and Mr. Saturns wandered about quaintly without fear of being used as projectile weapons. Suddenly, Captain Falcon's F-Zero racer zoomed by. Pichu, Pikachu, Kirby, Jigglypuff and the Ice Climbers leaped out of the vehicle as it passed, landing on Bowser and tackling him to the ground.  
"Aaaargh!" the Koopa howled from under the pile of giggling creampuffs, "Not another drive-by cute-ing!"  
  
Back in the commons room...  
Ganondorf shrugged and replied to Mewtwo, "Bowser's probably just being the subject of some weird author's puns. He'll turn up eventually, when he's done getting paired off with Nana or something." Zelda, Link and Mewtwo shuddered at this thought, but Ness just pilfered a few more of Ganondorf's chess pieces and taunted again.   
  
Peach then skipped into the commons room and chirruped, "Hi everybody!" The perky princess plopped down on the couch next to Zelda and smiled cheerfully at the other Smashers.   
"You sound like you're in a good mood." Zelda commented, "I guess you won your battle with Mr. Game And Watch?"  
To answer to her question, Mr. Game And Watch burst in, looking a tad roughed up and bleeping agitatedly.   
"I don't know what his problem is...." Peach managed to look thoughtful, then brightened up again, "But I'm the best!"  
"What's the matter, Gay Man Watch?" asked Link.  
Mr. Game And Watch proceeded to rant, waving his 2-D arms and hopping about, beeping and clicking and occasionally throwing bacon for emphasis. When he was done, the Smashers looked helplessly at each other.  
"Uh....what?" ventured Ganondorf.   
The old-skool stickman uttered a few more explosive beeps, randomly pelted a couple more rashers of bacon and stormed off.   
"Do you think he's mad because I used my driver instead of my five-iron?" Peach worried, taking a golf club out of her dress and examining it. "Nah." assured everyone else. Ganondorf finally turned back to his chess game and saw that he only had one piece left on the board. He cast a suspicious look at Ness, who pointed at Mewtwo and offered, "He did it!" The cat responded by giving Ness a psychic swat upside the head.   
  
When the slapstick-comedy-related chuckling died down, Zelda turned to Peach. "So Peach, I've always wondered, how is it that you float? Magic, right?"  
"Oh, goodness no!" Peach trilled, "Magic is hard and it hurts my brain! I use an anti-gravity device." She grabbed a cord on the back of her dress and gave it a few yanks. The rumble of a motor was heard inside her dress, and then the Mushroom princess levitated a few inches off the couch, waving her hands for effect.  
"You've got a motor in your dress? That doesn't sound comfortable." Ness said, looking a little confused.  
The anti-gravity device spluttered and choked to a halt, and Peach settled back onto the sofa. "No, I barely even know it's there, actually! What, doesn't everyone have an anti-gravity device in their dress?"  
Mewtwo smirked and added, "Well Link, don't you?"  
Zelda had been taking another sip of her tea, and again she choked on her drink in laughter. The swordsman in question, however, just stamped his foot hissily. "It is NOT a dress! Geez Zelda, it's not that funny, calm down...Want me to call Dr. Mario or something? Yeesh." She wiped tears of laughter from her eyes, wheezing and waving Link away as assurance that she was fine.  
  
Marth and Roy were then seen to pass by the commons room. The Smashers gasped in collective wonder; yaoi authors had loosened their grip a little and the two bishounen had momentarily stopped shagging like rabbits. They were, however, holding hands and exchanging nauseatingly fond looks.   
"Awww...!" Peach and Zelda cooed in unison. Link, Mewtwo and Ness displayed varying shades of alarm and confusion, and Ganondorf suddenly showed intense interest in setting up the chessboard for a new game.   
"Those yaoi writers sure are nuts." muttered the Gerudo.  
"Speak for yourself, Ganondork!" Link protested, "I'll probably get written into some scary threesome before dinnertime! And according to Nintendo canon, I probably shouldn't even know what sex IS!"   
"We still respect you, Link. Even if you've got really questionable morals." Zelda assured him.   
"And fashion sense." added Mewtwo.  
"If you had test tube children with Marth or Roy, they'd be gorgeous!" squeaked Peach, looking quite pleased at the fact that she had an idea.  
Link started to look horrified, but didn't quite finish before the yaoi authors sank their claws into him. His eyes glazed over and he droned, "I have to go...declare my feelings now....", then twitched several times and strode out of the room.  
  
Meanwhile, elsewhere...  
Fox and Falco were hanging around in a shady grove somewhere on the lovely, scenic Smash Headquarters grounds. It was a beautiful day, and the two Lylatians were using quaintly wandering Mr. Saturns for target practice with their blasters.  
"So Falco," drawled Fox, leisurely sniping a passing Saturn and then returning to a comfortable slouch, "This is boring. What do you want to do?"  
"I dunno," Falco drawled back, "What do you want to do?"  
"I dunno. Why do we even hang around together all the time? I can't stand you, man! You're an ass!"  
Falco snorted. "Oh, like you're any better." He then did a whiny nasal impression of his leader. "'Look at me, I'm Fox McCloud, I'm the leader of the Staaaarfox team and I'm so freaking amazing! I can fly an Arwing in a straight line and ignore Slippy at the SAME TIME!'"  
"Hey, shut up, you know how hard it is to ignore Slippy."  
"...OK, you've got a point."  
There was a brief pause, in which a butterfly floated by. Then Falco turned to Fox. "I think Captain Falcon will be done with his fight with Samus pretty soon. Wanna go tease him for getting his over-muscled butt kicked?"  
"Sounds like fun." Fox agreed, "And maybe I could ask Samus out while we're there."  
The canine and the avian looked at each other, burst into hysterical laughter, and then got up to go pester the resident Spandex fan.   
  
Back in the commons room...  
"Authors are weird." Ness declared, "I guess we should all be thankful that we don't have stuff to make us targets, like delicately masculine features, or nipple ornaments." Mewtwo, Zelda and Ganondorf nodded sagely, and Peach just looked clueless.  
At that moment Bowser walked by, plucking Jigglypuff off his back and tossing her aside with an irritable growl. The balloon Pokémon floated harmlessly to the ground and rejoined her fellow cute Smashers, who were frolicking about Bowser's heels and generally being needlessly adorable.  
"Another drive-by cute-ing?" Ganondorf asked.  
Bowser simply pointed to his fellow bad guy and addressed the menagerie at his feet. "Hey fluffy things, there's Ganondorf! Why don't you go give him a great big hug?" Pichu, Pikachu, Kirby, Jigglypuff and the Ice Climbers looked at the warlock and blinked a few times. Ganondorf gulped. The creampuffs grinned a set of eerily cute grins. Ganondorf then fled the commons room, with the cute Smashers in hot pursuit and trying to glomp him. Pitiful bellowing and lots of giggles echoed in the halls, and everyone else had a good laugh.   
"Now tickle him!" Bowser called down the hall, resulting in more bellowing and louder giggles. "Bwa ha ha!" The reptile wandered off to watch the inevitable cute carnage.  
  
Just as that commotion died down, something fell out of Peach's dress. A moment of inspection by the four remaining Smashers in the room proved it to be Toad, who got up and gasped, "Fresh air...!"  
"Toad!" Peach admonished her servant, "What are you doing out?!"  
The mushroom man brushed himself off and glared at the princess with his beady little eyes. "How would you like to live in somebody's clothes?! I'm surprised I got out alive!"  
"Get back in here!" scolded Peach.  
"You'll NEVER take me alive!" Toad screeched, before cackling insanely and dashing off.   
"Humph! Well that's not very nice!" Peach drew her frying pan out of her dress and gave chase to her minion.  
  
Mewtwo, Ness and Zelda turned from the fading sounds of terror to resume their chat.  
"You see, this is why I like the Smash Headquarters. There's always something interesting going on." Zelda commented.   
Mewtwo raised the area of his face where his eyebrow would be if he had one. "Maybe for you, but I'd personally rather not get mauled, hugged or paired off with anything. It's like Jerry Springer around here, except that there's no bald guy to break up the fights! I'm out of here, this is getting a little scary even for me." The cat vanished in a puff of sparkly psychicness.  
Zelda finally got to finish her tea. Ness taunted.  
And somewhere, Captain Falcon screamed, "What do you mean the creampuffs trashed my F-Zero racer?!"  
  
Fin 


End file.
